Customer Reviews Of The White Lotus Family Of Resorts
lotta murders taking place
The White Lotus is a chain of upscale resorts with multiple locations around the world. It is known for its five-star dining experiences and relaxing spa treatments and top-notch amenities. Here are some reviews from guests who booked a stay for a peaceful getaway or destination event.
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Pretty nice
Booked a trip with some friends. The food was great. Spa facilities were clean and the staff was respectful and attentive. Room was smaller than I expected for the price but overall a lovely experience. Hope to stay at another location soon.
⭐️⭐️ Vibes were off
I dunno, man. Everything was… fine. Like the vacation itself was great. The food at the restaurants was awesome. The view was sick. Nothing bad happened, at least not that I saw. But the vibes were just off somehow. Like some of the other guests had this far-off look in their eyes, like there was a river of dread gurgling through their brains, just constantly flowing. The staff kept shooting each other these ominous little sideways glances like they were trying to keep a secret from us. I told one guy who lived in town that I was going on a boat tour and he kind of raised one eyebrow and said “You sure you wanna do that?” Real bad energy. At one point I saw a squirrel and we made eye contact and I swear to god it stood up on its back two legs and did a throat slash gesture with one of its hands while it pointed at me with the other. My friends think I was overreacting but I know what I saw.
⭐️ Someone was murdered when I was there
The resort in Aruba was supposed to be relaxing but I could not sleep with all the sirens.
⭐️ Murder
Same as above. Sydney location.
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Loved the towels
So soft!!!
⭐️⭐️ Possible murder
Somebody went missing. I don’t think they ever found her. This was in Italy. Giving two stars because one seems unfair with the case still unsolved. Maybe she just met another guy and they bought a villa.
⭐️ THIS WAS THE WORST TRIP OF MY LIFE
Okay, first of all, I spent $25,000 on this vacation, which is not a lot for me, but still. I expect top-notch service for that price. I did NOT get it. First of all, when I showed up for my complimentary massage, the masseuse had two tattoos on his arms. Maybe I am old fashioned but tattoos should be covered up by staff when they are working. And then at brunch I ordered two poached eggs over easy and the waiter looked at me like he’d never heard someone order two poached eggs over easy before. First of all, I always order eggs like that and then when they came out and I cut into them the yellow part was RUNNY. I brought this to the waiter’s attention and he told me that this is how “over easy” eggs are traditionally prepared and I said “uh, I said poached over easy, actually” and sent them back. My brunch was eventually comped and I got a written apology from the manager but it was an unacceptable experience and it ruined my entire trip. I tried to give this resort zero stars but it appears one star is the minimum you can give on this website. First of all, you should have to EARN one star, in my opinion, not just be given one as a default. This is the problem nowadays. Everyone is so entitled.
⭐️ I got stabbed
Leg and ribs. Survived.
⭐️⭐️ Kinda jealous I missed the murder
Turns out someone got murdered like two weeks after I was there. I would have liked to have been there for that. I watch a lot of true crime and I bet I could have solved it.
⭐️⭐️ Drug use among staff
I am fairly certain I saw the hotel manager doing cocaine. He had wild eyes and kept babbling and was very sweaty. No complaints otherwise.
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ I know they have a murder problem but…
I love these resorts. I have accumulated thousands of dollars worth of rewards and plan on using them to stay at the new location in New Orleans when it opens. I hear they will have a voodoo priestess on-site. Spooky!
STUFF I TYPED
— my thing on the Severance finale, which gave us murder and marching bands
— wrote about how blessed we are to be living through the Walton Goggins HBO takeover
— my Friday newsletter, which opened with a section about Shoresy, a show I watched four seasons of in eight days
STUFF I CLICKED ON
— hard to describe how much I enjoyed this Philly Magazine profile of John Kruk
— Tramell Tillman is so good on Severance and I’m glad to see people understand this
— Kathryn VanArendonk went to Los Angeles to write about John Mulaney’s new talk show and it worked out great
— the Timberwolves put reserve forward Joe Ingles into the starting lineup so his autistic son could see him play in person and whooooops I cried
— Bill Burr is out doing press and while I don’t always agree with everything he says I will watch almost every clip of him saying it
— “Shelby Houlihan earns silver medal in return from burrito ban”
— I am intrigued by the WNBA comedy Peacock has in development
— update to the story about the thief who swallowed $700k worth of jewelry when police showed up: the jewels have been… recovered
— “goat opens gate, lets kangaroo loose”
— Sepinwall wrote about The Pitt, a show I hear is wonderful but will never watch because I do not do well with shows set in hospitals
— Zaslav should be in prison for his crimes against the Looney Tunes
— speaking of heists, look what I brought back from the episode of Doctor Odyssey where Angela Bassett showed up
Okay, that’s it for this week. Please share and subscribe and do not stay at a White Lotus resort.
Brian, this is why you're my favorite.