it is time to make up for being a goblin all year

giving to charity is kind of a reverse heist in a way

Two pieces of business before we dive into the important stuff…

NUMBER ONE: This will probably be the last Sunday newsletter from me until 2024, only because I know myself pretty well and I cannot foresee a situation where I have the motivation to send one of these out on Christmas Eve or New Year’s Eve. I could be wrong here. Maybe I’ll get bored and fire one off. But if not, I’ll see you all next year. 

NUMBER TWO: Look at these t-shirts I got this week, one as a Christmas gift from my family…

… and one as a Christmas gift to myself that I bought when I was allegedly shopping for other people.

On one hand: It is a little alarming to realize that my entire personality can be summed up in two t-shirts. On the other hand: I feel okay about it.

Anyway, here’s how I want to close out this year and my first run at operating a newsletter: Let’s all give some money to charity. I love giving money to charity. It feels great. I’m incapable of seeing a link to a nice charity or some kids out front of the grocery store raising money for some trip without throwing money around like a maniac. If I ever turn on paid subscriptions for this newsletter, it will be to throw half of what I make at various causes that matter to me. Charity rules. And it’s a good way to feel better about being an awful little self-centered cretin the rest of the year. Cosmic balance and such. 

I’m going to suggest three charities you can toss some of your own money at if you wanna get involved, but please feel free to add your favorites in the comments. Or donate to them in private. I’m not asking for screencaps of receipts here. You don’t have to tell me if you do or do not give. I’m just asking you to be cool. I don’t think that’s unreasonable. Here we go…

UNITED SPINAL ASSOCIATION 

This one is obviously close to my heart because I have a spinal cord injury (power wheelchair, tetraplegia, the whole deal), but it’s also good in general. The group does a lot of work to help incorporate wheelchair users into society, through advocacy and peer groups and a slew of other resources. I’ve been really fortunate since my injury because I’ve had support from family and friends and stumbled into a job I can do from home in a way that is hardly impacted by my disability at all, but not everyone has that kind of foundation below them to build upon. This is about making that stuff available to everyone, which is very important to me.

Here’s what the group says about itself:

United Spinal Association represents our nation’s 5.5 million wheelchair users. We proudly trace our roots to the paralyzed World War II vets who came home to an inaccessible nation and made it their new mission to create a fully inclusive society. We honor them by using today’s tools to directly provide top-notch service and resources to our members, chapters, and the broader disability community.

Donate here.

ONE SIMPLE WISH

Every year my buddy and very funny internet user Treblaw helps get the word out about this charity, and every year I end up giving like $200 to it. The short version goes like this: One Simple Wish gives you the opportunity to buy something for children in the foster system that they asked for specifically. Maybe it’s a makeup set for a kid who is into fashion or a skateboard for some rad kid who wants to shred or maybe it’s just a brand-name hoodie for a kid who wants to look dope at school. It’s really cool. And addictive. And it feels great. 

Here’s what the group says about itself. 

At One Simple Wish we believe that every child deserves love, hope and joy.

Every year nearly 500,000 children are impacted by abuse, neglect and trauma and spend time in our nation’s foster care system. It can be lonely, confusing and a bit scary. Through our innovative wish-granting platform, you can send some love to a child who needs it. When wishes come true, kids not only have a chance to just be kids, but they can also make important connections, experience new things and find their passion!

500,000+ kids spend time in foster care each year.
100,000+ kids are waiting to be adopted.
22,000+ young people age out without stable, permanent connections.

And here’s how to donate through the portal Treb and his wife have created. 

MAKE-A-WISH

You probably know this one. It’s a biggie. But holy crap, are they ever doing something great here, granting wishes to kids with serious illnesses to live out at least one dream in the time they have. I cry almost every time I think about it. 

I cried just reading the About Us section of the website:

Tens of thousands of volunteers, donors and supporters advance the Make-A-Wish^® vision to grant the wish of every child diagnosed with a critical illness. In the U.S. and its territories, a wish is granted every 34 minutes. A wish can be that spark that helps these children believe that anything is possible and gives them the strength to fight harder against their illnesses. This one belief guides us and inspires us to grant wishes that change the lives of the kids we serve. 

Donate here.

Thanks again for reading. Hopefully, we can make this a yearly thing. Maybe we can even start our own entire drive at some point. We do love to have fun around here, sure, but we also love doing good. Which is also fun. It’s two things, really. Very efficient. 

STUFF I TYPED

— the Uproxx staff put together a list of our favorite performances from film and TV in 2023, with entries from me about Marshawn Lynch in Bottoms and Ryan Gosling in Barbie and Ruibo Quan in Our Flag Means Death, plus a few more 

— my weekly Rundown column, which leads with a tribute to Andre Braugher, who was awesome

STUFF I CLICKED ON

— Liz Shannon Miller interviewed Weird Al, which is cool

— I was a liiiittle too young for Melrose Place but this is a cool piece about a group of rascals sneaking weird and subversive art into the background of scenes 

— the Verge rounded up a bunch of good tweets

— Barbie is streaming

— This is the cutest damn thing I’ve ever seen

— Gold Air Jordans worth $10k found in a damn donation bin

— The Met is returning 16 ancient treasures it discovered were looted from their rightful homes, which sounds like the plot of a movie I would watch 

— Jon Hamm is coming back to TV and his new show sounds awesome

— Bull on the loose in New Jersey

— MUPPET BLOOPERS

Okay, that’s all. Please subscribe and give to charity and tip well and keep all your blood inside your body and have a lovely holiday season.