what a wild week for ambitious octogenarians
let the 81-year-olds thrive
There is a lot going on here and I don’t see how any sort of wordy introduction will do us any good. Let’s get right into it. First, we go to Montana…
An 81-year-old Montana man was sentenced on Monday to six months in federal prison for illegally using tissue and testicles from large sheep hunted in central Asia and the US to create hybrid sheep for captive trophy hunting in Texas and Minnesota.
Okay, look. I want to be very clear about something right away: I do not think you should be running around acquiring black market testicles for the purposes of creating a Frankenstein sheep that big game hunters can go shoot in Montana. Or for any other reason, really. Let’s just go ahead and make this a blanket statement: Try not to get yourself into a situation that requires the acquisition of black market testicles. I said “try.” I feel like this is a reasonable request.
I do appreciate the ambition, though, if nothing else. And the follow-through. I wake up with all kinds of wild ideas and plans and then I usually just end up at Panera eating soup. This guy thought “I should make a new kind of sheep” and then he went and did it. And he’s 81. If I live to be 81 I would honestly be happy just… well, still getting to Panera to eat that soup. We need to bottle this man’s energy and find a way to put it into other people. Maybe that can be his next experiment, extracting whatever it is in his DNA that gives him the motivation to do this and then putting it into an extract I can blend into my smoothies. I bet he wouldn’t even need to import any black market testicles to do it. We’re already making progress.
And he wasn’t the only 81-year-old in the world who was getting after it this week. Look at this freaking lady.
An 81-year-old model fell short in her bid to become the oldest Miss Universe contestant after competing in the South Korean pageant against much younger rivals.
I must know more about this woman.
Choi [Soon-hwa], a former hospital care worker who began her modeling career in her 70s, was announced as a Miss Universe Korea finalist earlier this month along with 31 other contestants.
Two notes here:
Good for her
This should be a movie on a streaming service by the end of next year
Moving on. Let’s see what she had to say about it all.
“I want people to look at me and realize that you can live healthier and find joy in life when you find things you want to do and challenge yourself to achieve that dream.”
I changed my mind. This should be a movie on a streaming service by the end of this year. I feel like this can happen if the sheep guy gets that DNA extract made in the next few weeks. Maybe I can get enough motivation to write it. And direct it. I suspect the formula could be that powerful.
I’m still going to be eating soup, though. I refuse to budge on that part.
STUFF I TYPED
— my Slow Horses Incompetence Index for Vulture, in which I get angry about losing a character who didn’t even have a first name
— my Five Spot newsletter, which opens with kind of a lot of words about Cinnabon
— quick update to last Sunday’s newsletter: Doctor Odyssey aired its second episode on Thursday and it featured Don Johnson making out with Shania Twain, which feels important for reasons I can’t explain but still feel obvious
STUFF I CLICKED ON
— really good Random Roles with Troy Murphy, a guy you know even if you don’t know you know him
— Cristin Milioti talked about her role in The Penguin that has been mesmerizing me for weeks
— yes I will read about a three-decade treasure hunt for a golden owl
— Shadows back baby
— first look at Cillian Murphy in the new Peaky Blinders movie
— Keanu Reeves spun out during an auto race but I’m more interested in the editorial decision to credit him as “Matrix star” when Speed was right there
— Donna Kelce is gonna be in a Hallmark movie
— Always Sunny / Abbott Elementary crossover coming
— a goat snuck into a marathon
— good blog about why different cheeses melt differently
— lol
—Lorraine Bracco hated the Sopranos ending, too
— I feel like the live-action Rugrats movie is going to creep me out a lot
— I don’t know why or how this ended up getting fed to me as an ad earlier this week but I did enjoy hearing the phrase “I’m Richard Karn and I love my hose”
Okay, that’s it for this week. Please share and subscribe and do not create illicit livestock.
Wow that's nuts.